The instructions came fast and furious. Chop the sweet chili. Smash the garlic. Mash the paste. Add it to the chicken. Add the bird eye chili - two for mild, four for medium, six for Thai style. “More spicy, more sexy!” intoned our instructor Satang, who seemed like a cross between a DJ and a cross fit trainer.
The Mama Noi cooking school in Chiang Mai was an industrial operation that hosted as many as eight groups of 15 people who simultaneously prepared a three-course meal derived from nine different options. An army of sous chefs had already minced the chicken, peeled the shrimp and measured out the right amounts of galangal, oil and coconut milk. We could choose our own spice level for each dish - the rest was a matter of following the recipe being shouted in a lively voice across the group kitchen.
We’d started with a trip to the Chiang Mai market. Then we’d visited Mama Noi’s organic garden. Our cooking class was another way to do what we’d really come to Thailand to do: eat.
The process looked like this.
It wasn’t easy to keep up. I at one point started to pour my coconut milk shot into the broth when Satang she shouted “Noooooo! Not yet, you don’t listen!” The coconut milk has to go in at the end of the Tom Yum recipe.
The result was this.
I’d say the Khao Soi was a work in progress. The Thai Hot Basil Chicken was excellent. The Tom Yum soup was at first too hot to eat - I tried to outsex myself with four bird eye chilis and it was punishingly spicy when hot but quite good as it cooled down.
The entire trip we all ate too much. It got to be a running joke. I woke up at three a.m. on our last day in Chiang Mai from what felt like a food hangover, promising myself I’d slow down. That went out the window as soon as I found chicken Massaman curry on the breakfast menu. I ate unhealthy amounts and was unapologetic about it. I thought I was getting the flu because of the lump I started to get in my throat. I decided this was in fact the result of eating abusive quantities of sticky rice.
I’m not avid at food writing, so I think the following would be best described as food porn.
Green curry (I got used to the bitterness of the mini eggplants)
Pad Thai from the Chiang Mai night market
A healthy Chiang Mai Breakfast of pork Hung Lay and fish curry with some extra pork on a stick
Chiang Mai’s most popular Khao Soi (Tatiana waited in a half hour line to get it for me)
A huge fried fish stuffed with chili and kaffir lime leaves - this was in fact Eddie’s lunch, which I hijacked with his permission (the two of us together couldn’t finish it)
Gaeng Hung Lei again - Easily the best meal I’ve had in years. The pork belly melted in my mouth. Those fried tequeño things had pork in them and some type of citrus flavor.
Red curry and fresh herb-forward Laotian sausage that tasted a lot like dill
Pok Ma - Laotian steamed catfish served on a plantain leaf
Betel Leaf Lemongrass Beef - Amazing texture and flavor
Sichuan Chili Pork on a bed of creamy tofu - for real, that’s tofu y’all
I’m still in food detox. I’m looking into my refrigerator at the same full ingredients that make up my non-vacation diet, but I’ve got designs on attempting some of the recipes I learned. I can already hear Satang yelling at me from across the world.
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